Hyperman in space with Hytower in bg.

Op-Ed from an Extra-dimensional Hyper-Villain

The Coming of... Hyperman!

People of Earth, a god walks among you.

Some will bend their knees and bow, calling him hero. Others will name him hyper-villain and strive to thwart his every intention. The former shall be buoyed by his hyper-latives; the latter shall be shattered by his scorn. But all… all shall tremble before the awesome might of Hyperman, wielder of the Potent Pen of Criticism!

Attend… or die.

Enough of the portentous introduction. As much as I enjoy talking about myself in the third person, there’s work to do.

First, I’ll answer some FAQs:

1. Where are you from? I did not originate on Earth or any other planet in this dimension.

2. Where have you been? I’ve visited forty-nine Earths before this one.

3. Are you really a hyper-villain? Some folks do, or did, call me a “hyper-villain”. This is perhaps understandable, since I can’t sit still for a moment. Oh, and I’ve destroyed forty-two of the forty-nine Earths I’ve visited (my own being the first). Well… not the entire Earths, just all human life on them. The planets themselves are recovering nicely.

4. How can you do such a thing? I’m able to do this because I enjoy powers and abilities far beyond those of normal men. Plus, I’m a genius. I built myself a space station (I call it Hytower) that can jump from dimension to dimension. It carries an army of Hyperman robots and enough firepower to erase humanity and all its artifacts from the face of the planet.

5. Why would you do such a thing? To fight evil. Back in my own dimension, I used to try to fight evil on a case-by-case basis. You know: foiling crime, upholding justice, protecting the weak, and all that jazz. Didn’t work. There were always more criminals, the world leaders were less interested in justice than their own selfish goals, and even in the country with the most freedom of any in the world, the weak kept electing the best liars. I couldn’t stop any of it. All that might not have been such a big deal if it had only affected the human race. Unfortunately, the effects were more widespread. Universal. The planet itself was in danger. So I chose to protect it instead of the humans. Does that make me a villain?

 

6. Why did you start moving from dimension to dimension? First, it’s no fun being the only sentient being on Earth. So I decided to travel. Once I began, I found that there’s a kind of “bleed-over” effect from really toxic versions of Earth into adjoining dimensions. The nearby dimensions tend to be as bad, or nearly so, as the worst. To be fair, the same effect happens in the vicinity of what I call optimum Earths; the nearby dimensions tend to be nearly as well-adjusted as the optimum in their midst. I decided to search out the worst of the worst and clean them up, in the hope that the bleed-over would tend to improve the surrounding Earths as well.

7. How do you go about “cleaning them up”? First, I announce myself to the world. Then, I observe. Then, I establish a platform and advise. This is that platform. If world leadership takes my advice and things improve to a minimum standard which I establish on an Earth-by-Earth basis, I designate the world as “stabilized,” leave behind an array of drones to monitor continued progress, and move on. If world leadership is unresponsive, or negatively so, I take control and establish a world government. If the people decide to rebel, preferring autonomy even at the cost of their planet’s health, I… disinfect the planet, and move on.

On forty-two Earths, humanity was too set in its ways. Each of their Earths would have died in the care of its only sentient species. Now, without human toxicity, their planets will heal, and some other species may evolve to sentience, and have its chance to reach optimum.

On seven other Earths, wiser heads took command, the people saw the truth, and the damage was halted. On all of them, it has begun to heal. Planets are quite resilient, you know. They do not need you; you need them.

Now, I have come to your Earth. The time of judgment is upon you.

Heed my words.

NEXT:

On Truth and Justice.

 

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